Big Rigs Over the Road Racing
(We immediately cut to the G-man on his phone while sitting at his desk in his room. Suddenly, a doorbell sound is heard) G-man: Since when does my room have a-? Never mind… (The G-man walks over to his bedroom door and opens it. Only to be lunged upon by Pinkie Pie) Pinkie: G-man! G-man: H-Hey there! What’s got you worked up? Pinkie: I found something for you to review! (Pinkie reaches offscreen and pulls out the game case for Big Rigs Over the Road Racing) G-man: Where did you find this? Pinkie: A garbage can in the park. I said myself: “Well, if it’s in the trash, it’s gotta be worth something to look at!”. G-man: …What the fu-? (He gets cut off as the intro plays. After it ends, we cut to the G-man who is back at his desk) G-man: Hello, everyone! I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. Today we’re reviewing a racing game for Microsoft Windows called Big Rigs Over the Road Racing. (Cut to clips of gameplay) G-man (V.O): Released in 2003, Big Rigs is a two-player racing game with trucks. Theirs’s only four trucks to choose from and a minimum of five maps to race on. One of which doesn’t work. This game is famous for, uh, this… (Cut to clip where a truck literally drives through a building) …Yeah. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: But let’s look at the box cover: (He pulls out to the box from before. The front picture shows a truck and a police cruiser side-by-side. Presumably racing) This police car doesn’t appear anywhere in the game. So you know it’s bad. (He sets the box back down) Well, let’s see what else this game has to offer. (Cut back to the game. The truck the G-man’s controlling drives over a bridge when it suddenly drops through it. The camera is fixated on the bridge) G-man (V.O): Whu-? Oookaaay, where did I-? (The truck reappears on the bridge) Oh! Was that a glitch, or…? (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: This game has no rules! I mean, look! (Cut back to the game. The truck literally drives up a cliff at an impossible angle) G-man (V.O): Look at that! The truck is giving laws of physics the middle finger! Or right tire, whatever suits your pleasure. This game is also famous for when you win a race. (The truck reaches the finish line. A trophy is seen with text literally saying "YOU’RE WINNER!" in all capital letters overlapping it. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: They eventually changed it to be grammatically correct, but that didn’t stop (Cut to a still-frame of the graphic) THIS from becoming a meme. (Cut back to the G-man) But let’s actually race someone. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Alright, I’ve selected the right mode, my truck, and the track. Let’s do this! (Cut to later in the game. The computer opponent finishes before the G-man) Oh, darn! I lost! (The truck drives through the finish line. Even then, the trophy graphic pops up. Cut back to the G-man with his mouth agape) G-man: What?! I still won! My opponent just stopped an inch away for a coffee break! This is the most broken game I’ve ever played! And you want to know what’s worse? (He holds up the box again and points to the ESRB rating) It was rated by the ESRB! That means that someone from the ESRB looked at this game and went: (Cut to a sketch with the G-man in a suit and tie acting as an ESRB employee. He’s looking at his computer with the game being played on it. Eventually, he looks towards the camera) G-man: Rate this E for Everyone! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: But maybe I’m being too picky. Maybe some teen in a dorm room made this. That’s forgivable, right? Let’s check the credits. (Cut to back the game. The credits show that more than one person made it) G-man (V.O): What the fuck!? More than one morons were behind this? And the game is STILL broken! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: But here’s the real kicker. The cherry on top of the sundae. Roll the clip! (Cut back to the game. The truck the G-man’s controlling goes in reverse. It gradually goes faster and faster) G-man (V.O): Yep! This is really happening! You can actually roll the speedometer around over and over again. I’m not joking! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: But here’s the real question: How fast can you go backwards? Let’s try it out. (Cut back to the game. The truck goes in reverse and continues to go faster and faster. A sound that’s presumably the truck’s engine is heard that keeps going higher and higher. Cut back to the G-man who is covering his ears) G-man: Geez! That noise! But we must continue! Call it, Dark Helmet! (Cut to a clip from Spaceballs) Dark Helmet: Ludicrous speed! Go! (Cut back to the game. The truck disappears as the engine noise keeps going higher. Suddenly, it stops as the speedometer jumps back to 0. Cut back to the G-man screaming and flying backwards out of his chair and into the door behind him. After a while, he picks himself back up) G-man: Okay… I stopped it. Basically, this game is crap! ‘Nuff said! (Cut back to of gameplay) G-man (V.O): Even the most basic racing games didn’t have these kinds of problems! And this was on the PC and could be bought in stores! That means storeowners let this game flood their shelves without knowing how bad it was! (Cut back to the G-man who is back at his desk) G-man: And I think that’s about it. Well, I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that! Peace! (He gets up to leave, but he sits back down) You know, I wonder who threw this game out in the first place… (Cut to the Angry Video Game Nerd digging through a trash can in the park) AVGN: Where the hell is it?! (He sighs in frustration) You throw it in the trash, and suddenly you find out it can be sold online at a cheep price! (A dinging sound is heard. Sighing again, the AVGN pulls out his iPhone, looks at the screen for a few seconds, and stares at it in disbelief) That motherfucker! Category:Episode